I had a Dream...for all the people

The world is an illusion, so they say, and we are the masters of this puppet show.The only prominent experience I had no first hand experience has happened, until now. I can't say I am surprised or disappointed. It has proven to be every bit challenging as expected.

Deceit and Doubt

They go hand and hand. I don't trust you because I doubt you. I doubt you because you are deceitful. Now the question at hand is, do you deceit me because you doubt me too, or because you you have something to hide.

I am ashamed to say that I am not as strong as I thought I was to walk away from such a person. A person I say isn't worth it and perhaps not ready. I decided to be selfish however and wait until they were ready. I could be smart and walk away. After all there are 7 and some change billion people on this earth, there are other people. When you know, you know, and when you aren't ready, you aren't ready. The hope that you'll get there before I lose it or myself is ever lasting. I almost feel like I shouldn't wait.

To Ms. Cricket:

I'm not sure if I get a lot of spam intentionally from you or is it because I've been felling guilty of how I handled things with you. I'm sorry I should have been more direct with you, I preach honesty and directness, but I lacked it with you. It was my first time being the alpha and I didn't know what to do with the power that felt so nice and uncomfortable to hold. You weren't the worst choice but that was never it. The symantecs never concerned me, on paper it did'n't have to make sense, I was a perceived paper-girl under the disguise of the "know-girl'." Maybe in a different life things would have been different. Thanks for making me feel sane and logical, you were one of the building blocks, and I never go to thank you and express my appreciation.